We all know how wonderful and important the wine blogs of the world are. Just ask Tom, he of the traffic-inducing AWBA programme! Without wine blogs, what would we write about here on this here blog?
But let's be honest -- there are a lot of hideous blogs out there -- blogs that despite the apparent passion and desire (for what, we're not always sure) of their authors, just don't work. They are useless, frivolous and not worth the time put into them.
So today Wine-ing 2.0 does all you wine bloggers a service, for free. Today, we identify 5 bloggers who should just give up and leave the wine blogging to those of us with actual talent and knowledge.
Please give up #1: Basic Juice
Mr. Jarvis, you were once a leader in wine blogging circles, but your site has fallen on hard times. Maybe it's because you live in Utah and can't actually buy any wine there. Maybe it's that you've taken third, forth and fifth wives in recent months. Or perhaps you were affected by the recent raids on Mormon compounds. Please shut your blog down, you filthy Old World wine-loving polygamist.
Please give up #2: REthink Wine Blog
Paul, you seem like a nice enough guy. And your blog would actually be useful if winery owners were smart enough to pay attention. But, we'd like you to quit acting like the "Dad" of the wine blogging world. Take a joke and lighten up, okay? And remember, you haven't won an AWBA, have you? Time for a career change. This one just isn't working out for you.
Please give up #3: The Pour
Mr. Asimov, you are so above all of this throw-up writing. We enjoy your weekly column (even if we get sick of hearing about your family, karate class and nick-named tasting group.) Why would you lower yourself to blogging? Is it about ego and a shameless need to be in the spotlight? Stick to print. Bloggers are losers and you aren't one. Please leave blogging immediately.
Please give up #4: Stormhoek
Do I even need to explain this one? The power of wine blogging in action! The next time any of you bloggers think you're important or making an impact, remember Stormhoek. Actually, maybe they've already given up. Friggin' quitters.
Please give up #5: StrumErika.com
Okay, let me get this straight. Daddy's little girl has a job at Wine Enthusiast, but isn't a good enough writer to actually write for them, so we need to read her drivel online. Is that right? Boy, you've got to be one shitty writer if your daddy is the boss and you still can't get paid for doing it. And, StrumErika...are you dyslexic? Nice blog name, resoL.
Honorable mention: She Who Shall Not Be Named
There is one more blog/vlog that we'd love to see shut its doors forever, but we dare not mention the author's name here. Apparently, there are several people who read this blog who take themselves way too seriously and cannot take a joke. The last time She Who Shall Not Be Named was named in a post, there was uproar amongst those uptight few (see #2 above). We'd like She Who Shall Not Be Named to shut down her blog, but you'll never know who she is.
That's it for today folks. Check back next week when we investigate the five wine blogs that are most likely written by children.