Twitter Taste Live = Wine Blogger Circle Jerk?

What do you get when you take a wine shop desperate for attention and money and add 20 or so bloggers who will drink anything that they don't have to pay for?

Twitter Taste Live. That's what. And Craig Drollett, owner of Bin Ends Wine, couldn't be happier.

"We get the wineries to send the samples out, so that doesn't cost us anything. Even if we only sell a half dozen TTL packs, we're making out well," he says of his brilliant "online wine community" scheme, continuing "The best part is, the winemakers are thrilled with it because no one ever says anything bad about any of the wines. The folks on Twitter are just so thankful that someone finds them even mildly relevant, they have only nice things to say about the wines. It's great!"

What Drollett doesn't want you to know is that TTL has absolutely no value to anyone -- except him. "Twitter is so transient a medium that unless you're one of the chosen few bloggers on the 'inside' of this virtual wine tasting circle jerk, you never even know it happens. Ask any of the wineries involved if they've gained anything from it," said a blogger outside of this supposed inner circle.

If it really is a circle jerk Craig, I guess we know who is getting the money shot on his face.

5 Wine Bloggers Who Should Just Give Up

We all know how wonderful and important the wine blogs of the world are. Just ask Tom, he of the traffic-inducing AWBA programme! Without wine blogs, what would we write about here on this here blog?

But let's be honest -- there are a lot of hideous blogs out there -- blogs that despite the apparent passion and desire (for what, we're not always sure) of their authors, just don't work. They are useless, frivolous and not worth the time put into them.

So today Wine-ing 2.0 does all you wine bloggers a service, for free. Today, we identify 5 bloggers who should just give up and leave the wine blogging to those of us with actual talent and knowledge.

Please give up #1: Basic Juice
Mr. Jarvis, you were once a leader in wine blogging circles, but your site has fallen on hard times. Maybe it's because you live in Utah and can't actually buy any wine there. Maybe it's that you've taken third, forth and fifth wives in recent months. Or perhaps you were affected by the recent raids on Mormon compounds. Please shut your blog down, you filthy Old World wine-loving polygamist.

Please give up #2: REthink Wine Blog
Paul, you seem like a nice enough guy. And your blog would actually be useful if winery owners were smart enough to pay attention. But, we'd like you to quit acting like the "Dad" of the wine blogging world. Take a joke and lighten up, okay? And remember, you haven't won an AWBA, have you? Time for a career change. This one just isn't working out for you.

Please give up #3: The Pour
Mr. Asimov, you are so above all of this throw-up writing. We enjoy your weekly column (even if we get sick of hearing about your family, karate class and nick-named tasting group.) Why would you lower yourself to blogging? Is it about ego and a shameless need to be in the spotlight? Stick to print. Bloggers are losers and you aren't one. Please leave blogging immediately.

Please give up #4: Stormhoek
Do I even need to explain this one? The power of wine blogging in action! The next time any of you bloggers think you're important or making an impact, remember Stormhoek. Actually, maybe they've already given up. Friggin' quitters.

Please give up #5: StrumErika.com
Okay, let me get this straight. Daddy's little girl has a job at Wine Enthusiast, but isn't a good enough writer to actually write for them, so we need to read her drivel online. Is that right? Boy, you've got to be one shitty writer if your daddy is the boss and you still can't get paid for doing it. And, StrumErika...are you dyslexic? Nice blog name, resoL.

Honorable mention: She Who Shall Not Be Named
There is one more blog/vlog that we'd love to see shut its doors forever, but we dare not mention the author's name here. Apparently, there are several people who read this blog who take themselves way too seriously and cannot take a joke. The last time She Who Shall Not Be Named was named in a post, there was uproar amongst those uptight few (see #2 above). We'd like She Who Shall Not Be Named to shut down her blog, but you'll never know who she is.

That's it for today folks. Check back next week when we investigate the five wine blogs that are most likely written by children.

Male Bloggers Support Female Bloggers' Right to Bare Chests (and Turn Web Cams On)

Earlier today, that un-toned blog-bashing bitch, known to the losers in the wine blogging community only as Flabby Chard, reported that female bloggers are exposing some sort of inequity by exposing their tatas.

As pathetic and unecessary as this whole boob-baring bimo of a project may be, the male blogging community has shouted a Mountain Dew-drench cry from their Dungeons and Dragons-decorated cubicles in support of these girls, which in many cases are the only females these blogger dorks talk to.

Flabby, or as I like to call her Tubby McGreasy, did miss one important factor in this event when she asked her readers (who are really only reading this for MY commentary afterall):

"Who's going to see these gals? Correct me if I'm wrong here, which I never am, but isn't blogging typically carried out in a small office with the shades drawn and doors shut?"

Um, ever heard of a webcam, Flabaliscious? You know that each and every one of these shut-in female bloggers has a webcam. That's how they "date" these days. They do their makeup and hair, pour a glass of wine for themselves and have virtudates with these never-kissed-a-girl male bloggers, who have decidedly not done their hair...or showered...in weeks.

Here's to you, female bloggers. Fight for your right to be recognized for your boobs, I mean blogs. And for the love of god, turn on your web cams. You've got them. Flaunt them, right? We're right behind you. Or is it in front of you? It doens't matter.

And virgin losers, if you miss the show, I'm sure these fame-starved floozies will post their videos up on YouTube in no time.

So Dr. Debs, do you have anything to "teach" us tomorrow? Strumerika, gonna show us the family goblets? And we all hope that Jill bares her domaine for all the world to see. I'd mention Sonodora, but she might be underage. No one is really sure.

As they used to say at the college parties after a half keg of shitty beer and a garbage can filled with grain punch "Show us your t*ts!"

MonkuWine is Insane!

April 3, 2008 -- 'For a cartoon character to be a success, it must have the face of a circle, the brains of a chimpanzee, the figure of a cardboard box and voice of a helium infused five year old," says Trey Parker and Matt Stone of the Colorado based animation, South Park.

That said, let's look at the world renowned Budo Kun. Right now, he's in the spot light starting with his scandalous sexual escapades to his ingenious escape from police custody. I'm proud of how I've crafted Domaine 547's mascot to be the MacGyver he is, capable of evading even the most dangerous of situations; but let's be clear, honey, I'm sane enough to know he's not real.

But tragedy follows in the wake of this character, effecting the sanity of wine bloggers far and wide. Take MonkuWine of the southern California blog, One Wine Per Week. Having spent a ridiculous amount time and energy writing about Budo Kun's whereabouts, to date, the poor sod still believes he's real.

When Jill was asked how she will respond to the hijacking of her mascot, she replied, "I don't know, the guy is weird. I've asked him on several occasions to lay off my frickin' drawing, but he won't let up. He's crazy. I mean look at his blog! Budo Kun is not the first character this guy believes is real. He's even written a story with Charlie Brown and Lucy talking about wine! There has got to be something in the DSM that covers that behavior."

Interestingly, there is. In the most recent Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a delusion is defined as:

A false belief based on incorrect inference about external reality that is firmly sustained despite what almost everybody else believes and despite what constitutes incontrovertible and obvious proof or evidence to the contrary. The belief is not one ordinarily accepted by other members of the person's culture or subculture

Now, let's put this in blogging terms:

A FALSE belief that Budo Kun exists in reality despite the fact that all normal human beings around MonkuWine CONFIRM his NONEXISTENCE and despite our pleas for MonkuWine to check himself into the psych ward, he CONTINUES to believe Budo Kun is REAL!

When asking Dr. Vino about MonkuWine's condition, he stated that currently, wine bloggers worldwide are debating the best way to have an intervention with MonkuWine. "We care about him, and want him to be safe, but the only way that's going to happen is if he accepts his complete and utter insanity."

Winecast set to launch Winecasting

Tim Elliot of Winecast.net is quoted in today's Twitter feed suggesting that he may open a new site, Winecasting. Set to launch during the fishing opener in Minnesota the site will be directed towards fishing, and sitting in boats. "I figure why not, maybe we'll focus on some show's where we pair fish with wine, but really it's going to be all about catching a buzz in the middle of a lake" says Tim. It is not yet known if there will be a podcasting element to the new site, but sources close to Tim suggest that no, it's really just going to be about sitting in a boat catching a buzz.