American Wine Blog Awards 2008 Winners Announced -- Nobody Who Didn't Win Gives a Shit

The wine world yawned and reached for its collective pillow today as Tom Wark of Wark Communications announced the winners of the 2008 American Wine Blog Awards.

The results of year's awards, which have been cold-soaking in controversy for weeks, and are filled with few surprises. But there were some winners of lesser, not-as-popular awards not mentioned in the news release. Luckily, we were able to get our hands on a copy of the final results:

• The "Best Program Created Mainly to Boost Traffic to His Own Blog Award": Tom Wark of Fermentation for the AWBAs.

• The "Biggest Crybaby About the Awards Award": Jill of Domaine547 for all her endless bitching.

• The "I'm Making Piles of Money and Actually Making an Impact with My Vlog Award": Gary Vaynerchuk of WineLibraryTV.com for not being Grape Radio and rating what he sells.

• The "I Say I Don't Care About Awards But It's Clear That I Do Award": To Lenn from LennDevours for telling everyone he doesn't care, but we all know he does.

• The "Most Award-Winning Blog That No One Actually Reads Award": Steve Bachmann's The Wine Collector for, well, winning a lot of awards even though no one ever heard of him or his blog.

• The "Best Wine 2.0 Application that no one knows exsists" Joel with Wine life today. Does anyone ever go there?

• The "Most Subjects Covered on a Single-Subject Blog Award": Dr. Debs of Good Wine Under $20 for covering multiple subjects on her single-subject wine blog.

• The "Lifetime Achievement award" In only 4 years, a lifetime to some, we have a winner for the greatest wine blogger ever!!! Alder Yarrow of Vinography, Alder you can now retire, and go back to drinking sake full time. We've had enough.

• The "Best Stolen Photo Weblog" Chateau Petrogasm who's 'graphics' appear to be other people's photos.

• The "Funniest Blog That Pokes Fun at How Seriously Wine Bloggers Take Themselves": Over Oaked, Over Extracted and Flabby Chard from Wine-ing 2.0.

We'd like to thank everyone who voted for us in this, the most important category. We couldn't have done it with all of the pompous, insecure, wine-soaked losers in the wine blogging community. Thank you!